A.K.A pop culture on a shirt. Do you know McLovin? What about the recent happenings at Dunder Mifflin? Ok, ok then you must know about the new pronunciation of Cool Hhhwhip, right? Ah really? You need to step up your couch potato game! Show how cool you are by referencing these elements of our social history in a way that doesn’t make you uncool (read this until it makes sense—it will make you cool, guaranteed).
Intro:Hollywood sells Californication, we take that product and sell memorization. Remember your favorite movie line or TV scene that captured your imagination? Yeah, well we captured that and produced a stylish retelling.
Quality:A man enters a room. He is tall and handsome, and captivates said room instantly. He says nothing at first. A quick glimpse of him reveals that he is adorned in preshrunk 100%* cotton. Gildan Heavy Duty fabric hides his casual appearance. Brilliance emits from the graphic and text on the shirt--must be professionally screened silk. A single female steps away from the awe-struck crowd and says, "Sir, I must say, your shirt is magnificent! Where did you get it?" He answers silkily "Roadkilltshirts." He then looks the room over and strolls off.
Selection:20,000 leagues of creativity. Our selection is vast and our selection is god. What more can I say? Check 'em out.
Policies:When your satisfaction is at stake, other companies might offer, gently, "Frankly my dear, I don't give a damn." Not us. Our refund and exchange policies came into existence with the satisfaction of the customer in mind. Like a good movie expect to walk out pleased.
Outro:It's the edge of the world, And all of western civilization, The sun may rise in the East, At least it settles in the final location, It's understood that roadkill gives customer satisfaction.