We know the jack o’lantern hasn’t even started to rot on the front porch yet, but it’s never too early to start getting your holiday gift list in order–especially for those who are hard to buy for. May we suggest…
1. For the ball and chain: “BITCH. Babe In Total Control of Herself.” Hey, it’s a compliment!
2. For your shrink: “6 out of 7 dwarfs are not happy.” And Happy is on Prozac.
3. For the neighbor who keeps letting his dog poop in your yard: “Admitting you’re an asshole is the first step.” One caveat: Just watch out for flaming poop on your doorstep.
4. For the little ones: “Just be glad I’m not your kid.”
5. For your “book” club: “Danger. Women drinking.” We belong to book clubs too–we know there’d be no club without the cabernet.
6. For your sister-in-law. “333. Only half evil.” It’s the holidays. You’re trying to be nice.
7. For your brother-in-law: “Big Richard.”
8. For your boss: “Doesn’t play well with others.” Just don’t give it till you get your Christmas bonus.
9. For the sports fan: “Baseball is wrong. Man with four balls cannot walk.”
10. For your best bud: “I am not Santa but you can sit on my lap.” A tshirt and a ticket to a cheap thrill…he’ll think you’re the best friend ever.