Wow parents, we’re super impressed with all the crazy elf escapades you document for us on Facebook and Instagram all holiday season long. A shelf just seems too mundane for your little guy. But if you’re not satisfied with perching Santa’s scout on a mere shelf, why are you satisfied letting him wear that uncreative, almost-nerdy red elf suit? We have better options. Tomorrow morning, we want to see pictures of your impish little sprite wearing something with swag, like a really awesome Roadkill tshirt. Some fly suggestions:
1. Naughty But Nice.
2. Merry F*cking Christmas.
3. Shitter’s Full.
4. I Don’t Know What to Say Except It’s Christmas and We’re All in Misery.
5. Santa Is Satan Spelled Inside Out.
6. Son of a Nutcracker.