14 Shirts That Speak of Love

This February 14th, let the world know what you love! Here, 14 shirts to fall in love with:

1. I love me. You should too.

2. I love scotch, scotchy, scotch. Here it goes down, down into my belly.

3. I love mullets.

4. I love my bartender.

5. Blow job. The only job I’ll ever love.

6. I love my red cup. Let’s have a party.

7. I love boobs.

8. I love the sound you make when you shut up.

9. Maybe it’s the beer talking, but I want you to know I love beer.

10. I love a shaved beaver.

11. I love the morning ride.

12. I love cats. But I can’t eat a whole one.

13. I love bacon.

14. I love shoes, booze and boys with tattoos.

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10 New Roadkill Tees

Being a tshirt manufacturer is a 24/7 job. We’re always on the hunt for things new, crazy and hip. To that end, we’ve recently added to our slew of stylish tshirts. Check out these 10 new tees with ‘tude:

1. I Think My Guardian Angel Drinks.

2. I’m Gettin’ Real Tired of Wearing Pants and Having Responsibilities.

3. The Only Problem with the Human Race Is That It’s Entirely Made Up of Humans.

4. It Only Takes a Second to Show Someone How You Feel About Them. The Police Call It Indecent Exposure, but Whatever…

5. Warning: Due to Price Increase on Ammo Do Not Expect a Warning Shot.

6. #Shirt

7. Hating People Takes Too Much Energy. I Just Pretend Their Dead.

8. Bazinga!

9. I Don’t Dislike You. I Nothing You.

10. Let’s Get Ready to Stumble.

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Throwback Thursday: 11 Retro Shirts

Hey, who doesn’t love a good blast from the past? In honor of throwback Thursday, we’ve combed our tshirt vault to bring you some of these oldies but goodies. Pair ‘em with some bell bottoms or acid-washed jeans.

1. I’m what Willis was talking about.

2. I am serious. And don’t call me Shirley.

3. Goonies never say die!

4. Bueller? Bueller? Bueller?

5. Vandelay Industries.

6. Sorry folks. Park’s closed. The moose out front should’ve told you.

7. Nobody puts baby in a corner.

8. What would Macguyver do?

9. Polk High.

10. Quint’s Shark Fishing.

11. O-Tay

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Torch Ups and Touchdowns

Given that this year’s Super Bowl teams—the Seattle Seahawks and the Denver Broncos—are representing the only two states in the union that have legalized marijuana use, we’re betting some things will get lit up this Sunday, and we’re not talking the scoreboard or Peyton Manning after Richard Sherman intercepts one of his passes. Nope. We’re talking about some good old-fashioned weed that will get passed around like a football. So to all our friends in Colorado and Washington, enjoy your beer, your brats and your baby bhang during this year’s Super Stoner Bowl. And may the best team win.

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10 Tees for Tough Guy Beibs

Justin Beiber has been in a heap of trouble lately. Drag racing. Driving under the influence. Underage drinking. Using drugs. Resisting arrest. And that was just this week! Beibs, we know you’re now officially a thug, but the orange jump suit has to get washed at some point, right? When it does, may we suggest some of the following Roadkill tshirts that will have you looking every bit the bad boy you are!

1. “If You See Da Police Warn a Brother.”

2. “Better Call Saul. Saul Goodman, Attorney at Law.”

3. “Bad Influence.”

4. “I Just Want to Drink and Make Bad Choices.”

5. “Every Great Idea I Have Gets Me in Trouble.”

6. “I Don’t Get Drunk. I Get Awesome.”

7. “I Make Inappropriate Choices When I Drink.”

8. “I’ll See You at My Intervention.”

9. “Do Not Arrest This Person.”

10. “It Wasn’t Me.”

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Loud-and-Proud Olympic Sweater

The Sochi winter Olympics are right around the corner, and when America’s Olympic athletes come marching in for the opening ceremonies, there will be no mistaking them. That’s because they’ll be wearing a garish, hard-to-ignore Ralph Lauren-designed sweater that is a hodge-podge (the company likes to call it a patchwork, but that is too nice a word) of styles. Let’s just say there are stars, stripes, flags and Olympic rings aplenty emblazoned on the sweater–the kind of thing Betsy Ross may have knit for Clark Griswold had he been going to Sochi. But let’s look at the bright side, shall we? A huge fire will be a burnin’ at the opening ceremonies when the Olympic flame is lit. Keep it burning with an ugly sweater or two, will ya guys?

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Bros and What You Don’t Know: 4 Things We Learned Today

Thanks to Esquire magazine and its poll of over 1,000 men, we now have unprecedented insight into the inner workings of a man. The magazine unearthed all kinds of cool facts–like most men say “I love you” at least once a day and very few have gotten manicures. But what we loved the most were some of the more offbeat findings. Here, 4 highlights we couldn’t resist sharing:

1. Twenty-four percent have masturbated at work. How’s that for hard labor!

2. Sixty-two percent have farted loudly in front of others in the last month. For the love of God, watch what you eat for lunch fellas!

3. Eighty-three percent have picked their noses in the last 30 days. Really? We thought it’d be higher.

4. Forty-four percent don’t care about being perceived as normal. Good. Because if you’re cleaning your rifle at work or backfiring out of your boxers in front of others, you really aren’t normal.

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Beibs Gets Busted!

The Beibernator is officially a bad boy–and he has the (growing) rap sheet to prove it! His latest foray into criminal activity? Jay Bee recently got arrested for drag racing and driving while under the influence. That’s all bad enough, but please Mr. Officer, can you arrest the guy on stupidity charges? Justin apparently was racing a hard-to-miss yellow Lamborghini down a residential street quite near a firehouse about 4 in the morning. Yeah, no one’s gonna mind that. Oh baby Biebs, we don’t care how many eggs you throw or F bombs you launch or paternity suits you’re slapped with. We don’t care how many paparazzi you assault or beers you drink while underage or kitchen mop buckets you pee in. We don’t care how many tattooes you get or baseball caps you wear backwards or even mug shots you smile through (and yes, he was smiling in this one). You’re no tough guy and we’d fear for you in prison. Stick with just committing crimes against music, will ya?

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Va-Jay and Jam

If you like morning sex than we have the breakfast for you: Vagina Toast! Yep, you read that right. A company called Burnt Impressions is hawking a toaster that imprints the pattern of a vagina onto your bread. Try it with some sausage–delish!

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3 Shirts for Michelle Obama

We don’t really care what side of the political fence you stand on, you gotta admit Michelle Obama is rockin’ 50. Those arms! Those bangs! Those dance moves! (Pay attention Miley.) So to help the FLOTUS celebrate turning 50, we’ve chosen 3 special birthday tees. Enjoy Michelle. And thanks for making fifty look fabulous!

1. “Despite the Economic Downturn, I’m Still a Hot Item.” Yes Michelle, you are a Dow Wowwwzzzer!

2. “Caught You Looking.” Yep, and they weren’t just beefy Secret Service guys, either.

3. “You’re Only as Old as the Girl You Feel.” Miche, we’re pretty sure they gave you that AARP card by accident.

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