If pictures of naked men (save a sock on their cocks) are heating up your Instagram account, there’s a reason. A British cancer research organization has spearheaded (no pun intended) the campaign to raise awareness for testicular cancer. We’re not really sure how this helps cancer research, but we’re sure the ladies are liking it. So go ahead guys, rock the sock!
Holy hell, where’s Dr. Ruth when you need her? A new survey shows that 10 percent of us text while having sex and 5 percent of us check Facebook while doing the deed. That is efing crzy, lolz. S’ok to shut down and have some seks. Srsly. #stupd
Well, if you haven’t picked a winning bracket, you’re not alone. March is truly mad this year and with all the upsets, some 95 percent of us missed at least one game before the tourney was even a half-day old. But just because you’re a loser doesn’t mean you have to look like one. Here’s a shirt that will make you feel like a winner. Who needs a billion bucks anyway, Warren Buffett! Pfft.
We gotta hand it to the poor working stiff who thought up the brilliant holiday known as “National Goof Off Day,” otherwise referred to as Monday through Friday here at Roadkill, but that’s our little secret. Celebrated on March 22, this is a day to kick back and sleep on the couch, ditch work and play a round of golf or watch 10 hours straight of March Madness–whatever your lazy ass desires. Obviously casual attire is the uniform of the day, so celebrate shirking responsibilities and wasting time with one of these take-it-easy shirts:
1. I’m gettin’ real tired of wearing pants and having responsibilities.
2. Just pretend I’m not here. That’s what I’m doing.
3. Bueller? Bueller? Bueller?
4. Don’t rush me. I get paid by the hour.
5. I am currently unsupervised. I know, it freaks me out too. But the possibilities are endless!
Hey, as many readers of this blog know, we are into almost all things perverse. But sucking the toes of strangers at Wal-Mart (jeez, couldn’t you at least have picked Victoria Secret?) is just plain freaky, even by our standards. But, according to police reports, that is exactly what one wily and insane foot-fetish fellow did to female shoppers at a North Carolina Wal-Mart. Seriously, dude, this makes our toes curl. Toe, toe gross!
What’s better than Rhianna? Rhianna wearing a (very) sheer skirt with nothing but hot pink bikini underwear underneath. Ok, ok, we know what you’re thinking–Rhianna with no underwear would be the best, but if the lady wants to wear underwear, we’re just glad she made it pink, scanty and visible. Oh Rhianna, there’s nothing we like more than a girl gone bad!
Well, we here at Roadkill Tshirts are nothing if not extraordinarily funny. And we have 8 new tshirts to prove it. Put one on and give the world a smile!
1. I love sleeping. It’s like being dead without the commitment.
2. If I agree with you we’ll both be wrong.
3. Teach your kids about taxes. East 30% of their ice cream.
4. Zombie beer pong. I sink it, you drink it.
5. To do list: 1. Buy a sword. 2. Name it kindness. 3. Kill people with kindness.
6. When I told you I was normal, I may have exaggerated slightly.
7. That’s too much bacon said no one ever.
8. Nothing says “I mean business” like using a cart at the liquor store.
Wow, as if today being the first day of Spring doesn’t make you happy enough, it’s also International Day of Happiness. What’s the best way to celebrate? With whatever makes you happy, of course! And if you’re anything like us, these will be high on your list:
1. Beer. It’s relatively cheap, plentiful and tasty!
2. Boobs. Seriously, we don’t even need to explain this one. They’re a hoot!
3. Blow jobs. An instant happy maker!
4. Bacon. It’s a party for your mouth.
5. Sex. It’s hard (no pun intended) to be unhappy when you’re doing the deed.
Life is hectic. There are jobs to work, kegs to pump and babes to bag. A guy gets tired. What do you wear when you want to just hang and chill? A Roadkill Tshirt that says, “Leave me alone. I’m chilaxin’!”
1. I’m not lazy. I’m physically conservative.
2. Some days it’s just not worth chewing through the restraints.
3. I’m out of bed and dressed. What more do you want.
4. Do not disturb. I’m disturbed enough.
5. Things to do today. 1. Wake up. 2. Survive. 3. Go back to bed.
6. I’m not lazy. I just really enjoy doing nothing.
7. I’m getting real tired of wearing pants and having responsibilities.
For all you lovers of irrational numbers, today is Pi Day, otherwise known as 3.14159265…Day. The number goes on forever, just like our selection of awesome tshirts. Not one to let a holiday of any nature go by unnoticed, of course we here at Roadkill have a tshirt to help you celebrate. Sorry, though, no pocket for your calculator and mechanical pencil. We’re only half nerdy.