5 Ways to Celebrate International Day of Happiness

Wow, as if today being the first day of Spring doesn’t make you happy enough, it’s also International Day of Happiness. What’s the best way to celebrate? With whatever makes you happy, of course! And if you’re anything like us, these will be high on your list:

1. Beer. It’s relatively cheap, plentiful and tasty!

2. Boobs. Seriously, we don’t even need to explain this one. They’re a hoot!

3. Blow jobs. An instant happy maker!

4. Bacon. It’s a party for your mouth.

5. Sex. It’s hard (no pun intended) to be unhappy when you’re doing the deed.

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Feeling Lazy? 7 Shirts to Kick Back In

Life is hectic. There are jobs to work, kegs to pump and babes to bag. A guy gets tired. What do you wear when you want to just hang and chill? A Roadkill Tshirt that says, “Leave me alone. I’m chilaxin’!”

1. I’m not lazy. I’m physically conservative.

2. Some days it’s just not worth chewing through the restraints.

3. I’m out of bed and dressed. What more do you want.

4. Do not disturb. I’m disturbed enough.

5. Things to do today. 1. Wake up. 2. Survive. 3. Go back to bed.

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6. I’m not lazy. I just really enjoy doing nothing.

7. I’m getting real  tired of wearing pants and having responsibilities.

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Happy Pi Day

For all you lovers of irrational numbers, today is Pi Day, otherwise known as 3.14159265…Day. The number goes on forever, just like our selection of awesome tshirts. Not one to let a holiday of any nature go by unnoticed, of course we here at Roadkill have a tshirt to help you celebrate. Sorry, though, no pocket for your calculator and mechanical pencil. We’re only half nerdy.

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13 Shirts for Spring Break

It’s March, which means your seasonal affective disorder is in high gear. The Rx? A Spring Break getaway with bros and beers, babes and bikinis, beaches and bangin’. When you have to put on clothes, what do you wear? One of our spectacular tees that will have you chillin’ faster than a frozen margarita at the swim-up bar.

1. Beer is the answer. But I can’t remember the question.

2. Avoid hangovers. Stay drunk.

3. Beer and life are very similar. Chill for best results.

4. Beer. The reason I get up in the morning.

5. Drinking rum before noon makes you a pirate, not an alcoholic.

6. Hangovers. God’s way of saying you kicked ass last night.

7. Got me? I’ll do your body good.

8. For a good time just add beer.

9. Have a nice jay.

10. Good friends don’t let you do stupid things alone.

11. Does this shirt make me look drunk?

12. Friendly when drunk.

13. I’m better when I’m drunk.

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7 Shirts for Doing Your Taxes

Chances are if you’re not shoveling snow about now, you’re probably doing your taxes. To help you get in the number-crunching groove, try any one of these political tshirts on for size:

1. Annoy a liberal. Get a job.

2. Contrary to popular belief, nobody owes you anything.

3. I’m a Republican. Because not everyone can be on welfare.

4. America. We don’t redistribute wealth. We earn it.

5. I don’t need sex. The government fucks me everyday.

6. Don’t forget to pay your taxes. 12 million illegal aliens are depending on you.

7. Born free. Taxed to death.

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1 Tshirt for Juan Pablo Galavis

The most-hated man in “Bachelor” history deserves only one shirt, and this is it:

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Crazy for Cookies: 3 Tees for Eating Girl Scout Cookies

Some people love spring because of the warmer weather, the longer daylight hours or the rebirth of all that is frozen and dead. We love it for all that too. But as I sit here eating a Tagalong Girl Scout cookie, I have to say that spring would not be as sweet if not for Thin Mints and Samoas. And Tagalongs and Trefoils. Sorry Boy Scouts, you can keep your popcorn. My money is on the Girl Scouts. That is just how the cookie crumbles.

1. Come to the dark side. We have cookies.

2. I love you cookies and milk!

3. Welcome to the dark side. Are you surprised we lied about the cookies?

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13 of Our Most Adorable Kids’ Shirts

Why should we adults (and we use that term loosely) have all the fun? Roadkill has dozens of shirts for the wee folk out there. Here, some of our cutest tees for tots:

1. “Come to the dark side. We have cookies.” Hmm. Dark side and cookies–they go together like PB & J!

2. “Fart loading 33%. Please wait.” What kid doesn’t love toilet humor?

3. “Duck Duck Goose State Champion.” Always a hit around the preschool snack table.

4. “I just awesomed all over the place.” As long as that was all you did, kid, if you catch our drift.

5. “I have Greece on my shirt.” Watch out, you’re gonna get a spain-kin’.

6. “I don’t have the energy to pretend to like you today.” Beware: This shirt may warrant a  time out.

7. “Big fun in a little package.” Soooo much better than just a little fun in a big package.

8. “Humpty Dumpty was pushed.” Hey kids, you gotta learn. Life can be cruel.

9. “I’d love to explain it to you, but it don’t have any crayons.” Will a pencil do?

10. “I’m not rude. I just say what everyone else is thinking.” Umm. Kid. They actually do call that rude.

11. “I’m a stay at home son.” Unless, of course, you’re at the playground.

12. “I’m immature, unorganized, irresponsible and loud. But I’m fun.” Ahhh. A chip off the old block.

13. “Problem Child.” Well, you know what they say. If the shirt fits, wear it.

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SAT Makeover: 6 Shirts for High Scores

So the SAT is getting an overhaul. Besides making the essay optional, they have tweaked the vocabulary section, making the words more in line “with what would be used in the classroom and at work.” Well, Mr. SAT head honcho, we have one word for you: Hooray. Oh, scratch that. We might actually have two words for you: Hooray and Duh! So, to celebrate, we decided to go through our vault and pick out some tees with really big (but not so far-fetched) words on them that might just be on the new test. Study up kids!

1. I’m multi-talented. I can talk and piss you off at the same time.

2. Misuse of “literally” makes me figuratively insane.

3. It’s bad luck to be superstitious.

4. If you say “gullible” slowly it sounds like “oranges.”

5. I’m fairly certain “YOLO” is “Carpe Diem” for stupid people.

6. Having a great vocabulary didn’t save the thesaurus from extinction/eradication/extirpation.

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Bacon and Wakin’: There’s an App for That!

How’d ya like to wake up to the smell of bacon every day without ever messing up the stove or singeing your skin with hot grease. Yes, there is sheer brilliance in the world and it lives at the Oscar Mayer Institute for the Advancement of Bacon. A real place (or at least a real website) with the mission of “creating a better bacon strip and forging a brighter bacon future.” And to help with that mission, these geniuses have created a special Iphone app that can wake you with the sounds (and wait for it) smells! of sizzling bacon that “comes from an unmistable cut” and is cured for “12 tender hours.” We sooo want to go to bed right now (and it’s currently 1:32 p.m.) just so we can wake up and smell the bacon all that much sooner. Only downside: The app is not yet available for sale. But we’re pretty sure it will be available way before pigs fly.

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