Well, the NFL has made its decision: Superbowl L (that’s 50 for those of you born A.D.) is just downright goofy looking. For Super Bowl 2015, the league has decide to eschew the Roman numerals in favor of the more modern and visually appealing 5-0. It’s reported that Roman numerals will reappear next year, but we gotta wonder how Super Bowl L1 will play out. Kind of makes you think Shanghai may be hosting the game next year.
We’re getting into full-blown summer now, which means it’s time to ditch (hell, burn!) the sweatshirts, sweaters and jackets and live life in a comfy, cool tshirt. Here, some of our newest designs that will show some skin and some sass!
1. If anything happens to me you’re the person designated to clear my browser history.
2. Bacon cannot solve all problems. That’s what beer is for!
3. I’m not anti-social. I’m just really pro-me.
4. If I weren’t such an alcoholic, I’d throw my drink in your face.
Hey, our shirts aren’t you’re average tees, and here’s why:
1. They’re made of 100 percent Glidan cotton. No inferior stuff for us.
2. They’re a great price point. Buy 3, get 6 free. Kind of like a Happy Hour for tshirts.
3. They’re customizable. Want your design on the back? No problem. Need a pocket tee? We have it. Looking for a large size? We go up to 10xl. Suffice it to say that if you need it, we probably have it.
We’re embarking on a three-day weekend, which means plenty of tshirt-wearing time! Here, a few of our favorites:
1. Drinking rum before noon makes you a pirate, not an alcoholic.
2. I’m addicted to the hokey pokey. But then I turned myself around.
3. I love sleeping. It’s like being dead without the commitment.
4. Some people just need a sympathetic pat on the head…with a hammer.
5. The drunker I get, the more karate I know.
6. There’s a name for people without beards. Women.
Nothing says you have the premium cable channels like being able to spew off some of the best lines from some of the best Hollywood films and shows –classics like Old School, Christmas Vacation and Anchorman. Show your uber fan status and celebrate some of these bust-a-gut lines:
1. “I want to look him straight in the eye and I want to tell him what a cheap, lying, no good, rotten, four-flushing, low-life, snake-licking, dirt-eating inbred …” Christmas Vacation.
2. “Better Call Saul.” Breaking Bad.
3. “I’m kind of a big deal.” Anchorman.
4. Derek Zoolander Center for Kids Who Can’t Read Good.” Zoolander.
5. “I just awesomed all over the place.” How I Met Your Mother.
6. “You’re my boy Blue.”
Whoa now, we know that’s a bold statement, but hear us out:
1. Our shirts never run out. Kegs run dry. Bottles get emptied. Cans get crushed. Our shirts will stay on your back, in your drawer, balled up under your bed, for a long time to come.
2. They never go flat. Come on, “I’m not a proctologist but I do know an asshole when I see one” just never loses its zing.
3. They’ll get you noticed by the ladies. Stand around a bar with a pint glass and you’ll look like any other guy there. Stand around a bar with a “I brought sexy back” or “Orgasm Donor” shirt, and you’re bound to get some attention.
4. They won’t give you hangovers. Yep, our shirts might make you feel heady, but definitely not headachy!
God made duct tape for a reason, and its name is Donald Sterling. Magic Johnson, please put your fist in this guy’s mouth to shut him the hell up. And when you do, we’d love to see you wearing one of these tell-it-like-it-is Roadkill tees:
1. I love the sound you make when you shut up!
2. My headphones are in. Stop talking to me.
3. Can you hear me now?
4. I hear voices and they don’t like you.
5. I’m already visualizing you with duct tape over your mouth.
6. You can’t fix stupid. Not even with duct tape.
Ok, it’s official. If ever there is to be an attack of the undead, the U.S. Department of Defense has everything covered. “Counter Zombie Dominance,” as the DOD manual is called, spells out all the logistics of how to save the world from various types of dead flesh eaters (from vegetarian ones who pose no threat to us meaty humans to chicken zombies, whom, the report says, are the only “official class of zombies.” Well, phewy!!!). The report actually includes a disclaimer saying the plan was not a joke, so we know it’s real. While we have complete faith in the lifesaving capabilities of the DOD, it can’t hurt to play it safe. Here, 5 shirts to ward off the zombies:
1. Zombie response team: Kill or be eaten.
2. Zombie repellent.
3. How to kill a zombie.
4. U.S. Zombie Hunting Permit.
5. Welcome to Woodbury, Georgia, a zombie-free community.
A cat somewhere in suburban California is thinking it’s more panther than pussy. Tara, your regular family pet, took on a rugged and vicious canine three times its size–and came out the winner. Tara ran to her four-year-old human brother’s rescue when a fierce fido attacked the boy while he was riding his bike. The cat body slammed the dog and chased him off. The kid is fine. The cat is a hero. And the dog? Well, let’s just say he’s cooling off in poochy prison.
You can keep your perfume, your chocolate-covered strawberries, your dozen roses. Ditto your gift card to the nail salon, your i.o.u. for a home-cooked meal, your picture frame with the cute photo of the grand kids. They’ve all been seen, done and probably shoved into the back of a closet. If you really want to impress mom this Mother’s Day, lavish her with a tshirt. Here’s why:
1. They’re comfy. Made of 100-percent cotton, our shirts are all soft and snugly, like a hug from you.
2. They’re durable. Perfume fades, flowers die, chocolate-covered strawberries melt. Our shirts live on and on, just like your love and devotion to dear old mom.
3. They’re unique. Just see how many moms are wearing a swagalicious Roadkill tshirt at bingo next Thursday!
4. They’re good for all kinds of moms. Is your mom a saint? A sweetheart? A stripper? No problem, we have hundreds of shirts in a dozen styles and with tons of sayings and designs. One is sure to please your mom.
5. They’re affordable. Flowers can cost you a couple of Jacksons. Perfume–even more. Our shirts are just $19.99. They just seem waaayyy more expensive.