Hot Off the Presses: 6 Brand-New Roadkill Designs

Two things in life should never run dry: The keg and your stockpile of hilarious Roadkill tshirts. We can’t help with the first item, but we can make sure you’re never wanting for a new, hip and hysterical tee. Here, 6 of our latest and greatest:

1. If I’m ever on life support unplug me, then plug me back in. See if that works.

2. My idea of a Happy Meal is a bottle of vodka, 2 Xanax and a cookie.

3. I used to have super powers but my psychiatrist took them away.

4. Treat people as you would like to be treated. Karma’s only a bitch if you are.

5. Dear Alcohol, We had a deal where you would make me funnier, smarter, and a better dancer…I saw the video…WE NEED TO TALK.

6. I was addicted to the hokey pokey. But then I turned myself around.

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Stoner Shirts: 4 Tees for 4/20

No one is exactly sure where the expression 420 came from (although one theory is it started in the late 70s with a bunch of California teens who met at 4:20 after school to search for a plot of pot growing nearby). Okay, but I digress. Regardless of its origin, April 20 is known as National Weed Day. And what better way to celebrate than with a tee and a toke!

1. High on pot.

2. Have a nice jay.

3. Are you stoned or just stupid?

4. Double jointed.

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Say cheese: 5 Smiley Tees

These awesome tees have us grinning ear to ear!

1. PW_0160_A5424F_SMILEY_FACE

2.PS_0624_BULLET_SMILEY

3.PW_0072_A8290B_EVIL_SMILEY_t

4.

5.PS_0360_SMILE_WONDER_PIC2

PW_237_A9535E_UNDERPANTS

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Which Roadkill Tshirt Are You?

Ever take one of those Facebook quizzes about which rock band or Downton Abbey character you are? Well, we decided to play the same game with some of our tshirts. Take our quiz to find out if your tshirt style is sexy, sarcastic or downright stupid (cuz you know we have tshirts in all those categories!).

1. What’s your favorite pastime:

   a). Have sex.

   b). Ridicule those less fortunate.

   c). Hang out with my chuckle head friends.

2. If you had a $1 million you’d spend it on:

   a). Sex in Vegas.

   b). A fortress to protect myself from stupid people.

   c). Beef jerky, Knicks tickets and beer.

3. If you were an animal you’d be:

   a). A tiger

   b). An elephant. So I would never forget how stupid this quiz is.

   c). A beta fish. Oh wait. Are fish animals?

Scoring: Mostly As: You’re sexy.

PS_0067_SEXY_BACK_RK

Mostly Bs: You’re sarcastic.

PS_1107_SARCASM_IDIOTS

Mostly Cs: You’re stupid.

PS_0496W_CUSTOM_MEAN_STUPID

A few answers of each: You’re multifaceted. We have shirts for all your moods!

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7 New Roadkill Tshirts

Just when you think you’ve found your favorite funny Roadkill tshirt, there we go adding to the vault. How can you resist shirts that mock, offend and allude to sexually deviant behavior? Why would you want to resist? Give in to your inner freak and try one of our new, hilarious shirts on for size.

1. Beards turn laziness into awesomeness.

2. I wish you could order karma like flowers and have it delivered.

3. You know that feeling when you are tilting your chair back and you go too far and almost fall and then catch yourself? I feel like that all the time.

4. I enjoy long romantic walks…to the fridge.

5. I disagree. But I respect your right to be stupid.

6. I’m looking forward to regretting this.

7. You can’t buy happiness but you can buy a beer. And that’s kind of the same thing.

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10 Off-the-Hook Tees

There are few things worse than a guy who takes himself too srsly. Do your part in ridding the world of humorless losers and yank a few chains with these brilliantly funny tees.

1. I love sleeping. It’s like being dead, without the commitment.

2. It’s just a matter of time before they add the word “syndrome” after my last name.

3. I love me. You should too!

4. Drinking rum before noon makes you a pirate, not an alcoholic.

5. When I fart, you’ll be the second to know.

6. Cereal killer.

7. I don’t know what makes you dumb, but it really works.

8. I can do all those things your boyfriend can’t.

9. Don’t forget to pay your taxes. 12 million illegal aliens depend on it.

10. Always be yourself. Unless you can be a unicorn. Then always be a unicorn.

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Vladmir Putin Is Back on the Market: 3 Shirts to Wear in Celebration!

Awesome news ladies! Vlad Putin is newly divorced and very eligible. So what if he’s an international bully who invaded Crimea and then illegally annexed it. So what if he had the name of his ex-wife removed from his official biography. Some women are suckers for bad boys. And if you’re one of them, we’re sure these tees might get Vlad’s eye:

 

1. “F*ck you. I’m Irish.” As far as we know, the Kremlin has nothing against Ireland, so go for it lass!

2. “Friendly when drunk.” Putin may appreciate a comrade to throw back vodka with.

3. “Partnership for an Idiot Free America.” We’re pretty sure he’ll fall for this shirt hook, line and sinker.

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9 Zombie Tshirts

File this under “You can’t make this sh@t up.” A Polish priest has deemed that Lego’s zombie and monster mini figures are tools of the devil “that destroy children’s souls and lead them to the dark side.” Wow. And we just thought they were inter-connecting blocks with super-cool, slightly scary faces. Okay, Father Kostrzewa. If you think Legos are evil, we’d hate to know what you think of some of our awesomely witchy, corpse-crazy zombie tshirts. Here’s a sinful sampling:

1. Zombies were people too!

2. Zombies worst nightmare: Necrophiliacs.

3. Zombies want me for my brain.

4. Zombies only want a hug.

5. Zombie response team. Kill or be eaten.

6. In the event of undead attack zombie friendly. Do not eat!

7. ZSA: Zombie Slayer Association

8. Zombie beer pong. Eye sink it. You drink it.

9. If I come back as a zombie I’m eating your first.

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5 Bacon Tees We Love

We heard the saddest, most disturbing news today: A woman took a perfectly good slab of bacon and let it burn to mere ashes on a stove, all in an attempt to exact revenge and burn down the home of her ex-boyfriend.  Okay, maybe the guy was a pig. Maybe he was living high off the hog on her dime. Maybe he went hog wild with another sow. But really–bacon????? What a disgrace. Just kind of adds salt to the wound, if you know what we mean. Which got us to thinking about how fabulous bacon is and how we should revere it. Here, 5 shirts to show some bacon love:

1. In bacon we trust.

2. Everyday thousands of innocent plants are killed by vegetarians. Help end the violence. Eat bacon.

3. “That’s too much bacon.” –Said no one ever.

4. Bacon is meat candy.

5. Bacon makes everything better.

PS_0039_BACON_TRUST_t

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Willard Scott’s Sunny News

We don’t know what they’re putting into the water cooler over at the  Today Show, but love sure is in the air. Savannah Guthrie just announced her wedding and pregnancy and now … Willard Scott? Yep, Willard, a robust 80, just wed girlfriend Paris Keena after a whirlwind 11-year courtship. Congratulations Willard and Paris. Bet you’re on cloud nine!

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