5 Shirts for April Fool’s Day

Ya gotta love April Fool’s Day, the only day of the year when you can pants your buddy, attach an airhorn under your coworker’s chair and leave fake turds on the toilet seat. And it’s all socially acceptable. Get your joke on with one of these foolhardy shirts!

1. Ah! The element of surprise.

2. Bazinga!

3. It wasn’t me.

4. Old enough to know better. Young enough to do it again.

5. LMAO

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3 Shirts for Easter

“And on the third day he rose from the dead. …” Here,  Jesus-loving tshirts for all 3 days. Can I get an amen?

1. Jesus loves you but I’m his favorite.

2. Jesus loves a good beer.

3. Jesus is coming. Look busy.

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#CockInASock?

If pictures of naked men (save a sock on their cocks) are heating up your Instagram account, there’s a reason. A British cancer research organization has spearheaded (no pun intended) the campaign to raise awareness for testicular cancer. We’re not really sure how this helps cancer research, but we’re sure the ladies are liking it. So go ahead guys, rock the sock!

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Sex and Social Media

Holy hell, where’s Dr. Ruth when you need her? A new survey shows that 10 percent of us text while having sex and 5 percent of us check Facebook while doing the deed. That is efing crzy, lolz. S’ok to shut down and have some seks. Srsly. #stupd

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Shirt for Bracket Bombing

Well, if you haven’t picked a winning bracket, you’re not alone. March is truly mad this year and with all the upsets, some 95 percent of us missed at least one game before the tourney was even a half-day old. But just because you’re a loser doesn’t mean you have to look like one. Here’s a shirt that will make you feel like a winner. Who needs a billion bucks anyway, Warren Buffett! Pfft.

PW_0195_A3711F_DIDNT_BEAT-1

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5 Shirts for National Goof Off Day

We gotta hand it to the poor working stiff who thought up the brilliant holiday known as “National Goof Off Day,” otherwise referred to as Monday through Friday here at Roadkill, but that’s our little secret. Celebrated on March 22, this is a day to kick back and sleep on the couch, ditch work and play a round of golf or watch 10 hours straight of March Madness–whatever your lazy ass desires. Obviously casual attire is the uniform of the day, so celebrate shirking responsibilities and wasting time with one of these take-it-easy shirts:

1. I’m gettin’ real tired of wearing pants and having responsibilities.

2. Just pretend I’m not here. That’s what I’m doing.

3. Bueller? Bueller? Bueller?

4. Don’t rush me. I get paid by the hour.

5. I am currently unsupervised. I know, it freaks me out too. But the possibilities are endless!

PS_1015W_BUELLER_PIC1

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Toe No!

Hey, as many readers of this blog know, we are into almost all things perverse. But sucking the toes of strangers at Wal-Mart (jeez, couldn’t you at least have picked Victoria Secret?) is just plain freaky, even by our standards. But, according to police reports, that is exactly what one wily and insane foot-fetish fellow did to female shoppers at a North Carolina Wal-Mart. Seriously, dude, this makes our toes curl. Toe, toe gross!

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Sheer Brilliance!

What’s better than Rhianna? Rhianna wearing a (very) sheer skirt with nothing but hot pink bikini underwear underneath. Ok, ok, we know what you’re thinking–Rhianna with no underwear would be the best, but if the lady wants to wear underwear, we’re just glad she made it pink, scanty and visible. Oh Rhianna, there’s nothing we like more than a girl gone bad!

PW_237_A9535E_UNDERPANTS

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8 of Our Newest and Funniest Shirts

Well, we here at Roadkill Tshirts are nothing if not extraordinarily funny. And we have 8 new tshirts to prove it. Put one on and give the world a smile!

1. I love sleeping. It’s like being dead without the commitment.

2. If I agree with you we’ll both be wrong.

3. Teach your kids about taxes. East 30% of their ice cream.

4. Zombie beer pong. I sink it, you drink it.

5. To do list: 1. Buy a sword. 2. Name it kindness. 3. Kill people with kindness.

6. When I told you I was normal, I may have exaggerated slightly.

7. That’s too much bacon said no one ever.

8. Nothing says “I mean business” like using a cart at the liquor store.

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5 Ways to Celebrate International Day of Happiness

Wow, as if today being the first day of Spring doesn’t make you happy enough, it’s also International Day of Happiness. What’s the best way to celebrate? With whatever makes you happy, of course! And if you’re anything like us, these will be high on your list:

1. Beer. It’s relatively cheap, plentiful and tasty!

2. Boobs. Seriously, we don’t even need to explain this one. They’re a hoot!

3. Blow jobs. An instant happy maker!

4. Bacon. It’s a party for your mouth.

5. Sex. It’s hard (no pun intended) to be unhappy when you’re doing the deed.

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