We heard the saddest, most disturbing news today: A woman took a perfectly good slab of bacon and let it burn to mere ashes on a stove, all in an attempt to exact revenge and burn down the home of her ex-boyfriend. Okay, maybe the guy was a pig. Maybe he was living high off the hog on her dime. Maybe he went hog wild with another sow. But really–bacon????? What a disgrace. Just kind of adds salt to the wound, if you know what we mean. Which got us to thinking about how fabulous bacon is and how we should revere it. Here, 5 shirts to show some bacon love:
1. In bacon we trust.
2. Everyday thousands of innocent plants are killed by vegetarians. Help end the violence. Eat bacon.
3. “That’s too much bacon.” –Said no one ever.
4. Bacon is meat candy.
5. Bacon makes everything better.
We don’t know what they’re putting into the water cooler over at the Today Show, but love sure is in the air. Savannah Guthrie just announced her wedding and pregnancy and now … Willard Scott? Yep, Willard, a robust 80, just wed girlfriend Paris Keena after a whirlwind 11-year courtship. Congratulations Willard and Paris. Bet you’re on cloud nine!
Ya gotta love April Fool’s Day, the only day of the year when you can pants your buddy, attach an airhorn under your coworker’s chair and leave fake turds on the toilet seat. And it’s all socially acceptable. Get your joke on with one of these foolhardy shirts!
1. Ah! The element of surprise.
3. It wasn’t me.
4. Old enough to know better. Young enough to do it again.
“And on the third day he rose from the dead. …” Here, Jesus-loving tshirts for all 3 days. Can I get an amen?
1. Jesus loves you but I’m his favorite.
2. Jesus loves a good beer.
3. Jesus is coming. Look busy.
If pictures of naked men (save a sock on their cocks) are heating up your Instagram account, there’s a reason. A British cancer research organization has spearheaded (no pun intended) the campaign to raise awareness for testicular cancer. We’re not really sure how this helps cancer research, but we’re sure the ladies are liking it. So go ahead guys, rock the sock!
Holy hell, where’s Dr. Ruth when you need her? A new survey shows that 10 percent of us text while having sex and 5 percent of us check Facebook while doing the deed. That is efing crzy, lolz. S’ok to shut down and have some seks. Srsly. #stupd
Well, if you haven’t picked a winning bracket, you’re not alone. March is truly mad this year and with all the upsets, some 95 percent of us missed at least one game before the tourney was even a half-day old. But just because you’re a loser doesn’t mean you have to look like one. Here’s a shirt that will make you feel like a winner. Who needs a billion bucks anyway, Warren Buffett! Pfft.
We gotta hand it to the poor working stiff who thought up the brilliant holiday known as “National Goof Off Day,” otherwise referred to as Monday through Friday here at Roadkill, but that’s our little secret. Celebrated on March 22, this is a day to kick back and sleep on the couch, ditch work and play a round of golf or watch 10 hours straight of March Madness–whatever your lazy ass desires. Obviously casual attire is the uniform of the day, so celebrate shirking responsibilities and wasting time with one of these take-it-easy shirts:
1. I’m gettin’ real tired of wearing pants and having responsibilities.
2. Just pretend I’m not here. That’s what I’m doing.
3. Bueller? Bueller? Bueller?
4. Don’t rush me. I get paid by the hour.
5. I am currently unsupervised. I know, it freaks me out too. But the possibilities are endless!
Hey, as many readers of this blog know, we are into almost all things perverse. But sucking the toes of strangers at Wal-Mart (jeez, couldn’t you at least have picked Victoria Secret?) is just plain freaky, even by our standards. But, according to police reports, that is exactly what one wily and insane foot-fetish fellow did to female shoppers at a North Carolina Wal-Mart. Seriously, dude, this makes our toes curl. Toe, toe gross!
What’s better than Rhianna? Rhianna wearing a (very) sheer skirt with nothing but hot pink bikini underwear underneath. Ok, ok, we know what you’re thinking–Rhianna with no underwear would be the best, but if the lady wants to wear underwear, we’re just glad she made it pink, scanty and visible. Oh Rhianna, there’s nothing we like more than a girl gone bad!