It’s Friday—let the freaks reign! Here, 6 freakin’ fabulous shirts to celebrate with:
1. I am currently unsupervised. I know it freaks me out too. But the possibilities are endless!
2. Sometimes I question my sanity. Occasionally, it replies.
3. I was going to take over the world. But then I saw something shiny.
4. I’m getting real tired of wearing pants and having responsibilities.
5. Just pretend I’m not here. That’s what I’m doing.
6. I hate it when the voices in my head go silent…I never knew what they are planning.
The Olympics are wrapping up this weekend, and while there have been some highlights (we’ve been partial to the hockey, skiing and snowboarding—not to mention all the pictures of hotel snafus journalists have tweeted), we are not too terribly sad to see the whole thing end. And here’s why:
1. No more looking at Bob Costas’ painfully red eyes.
2. No more looking at the U.S.A.’s ridiculously loud sweaters, which are probably what started Bob Costas’ eye problems to begin with.
3. No more stray dogs being rounded up and killed. Let Rover roam!
4. No more shots of slopestyle skiers with their boxers showing. Bib pants, boys, bib pants!
Tighten up your belts and get in position: The 55th annual Daytona 500 takes place this February 23. And unless your name is Honey Boo Boo, Mama June or Sugar Bear, we’re bettin’ you may not have any proper attire to wear for the big engine fest. Not to fear, Roadkill tshirts are here. Because rednecks are a favorite ethnic group of ours, we have you covered. Git r done in one of these awesome tees:
1. Shake and Bake.
2. I Love Mullets.
3. West Virginia. One Million People and 15 Last Names.
What would St. Patrick’s Day be without a beer and a kiss? And maybe if the luck of the Irish is with you, you might get even more than that. Here, 3 shirts that might help you get lucky this March 17:
1. Blow Me. I’m Irish.
2. Do You Have Any Irish in You? Would You Like Some?
3. Irish You Were Naked.
Duh! As if you need a reason. But if you’re one of the sorts who do, here goes:
1. New year, new shirt. That simple.
2. The snow is making you miserable and you need a reason to smile.
3. You didn’t get one for Valentine’s Day, even though you hinted mercilessly. Show yourself some love.
4. We have new designs, and we know you want to look happening!
5. Ummmm. Why not?
If pink eye were an Olympic sport, Bob Costas would be bringing home the gold. By now we’re sure you’ve seen the pics of Bob’s red eyes seeping tears and oozing pus. Poor guy even got kicked off the air for being such, well, such an eye sore. Feel better Bob. The end must be in sight, no pun intended.
It’s Valentine’s Day, and if you’re lucky there is a night of some hot sex ahead for you. So light some candles, pop the champagne, put Barry White on and get down and dirty with these sex-on-my-mind tees:
1. I want you inside me. That’s hot.
2. I’m gonna crumb. I’m gonna crumb.
3. Bang me!
4. Lust is that hole too.
5. I’d like to be one of the unhealthy things you put in your body this weekend.
6. I’m all in!
In what has now been described as the worst winter in 10 years, the National Oceanic Atmosphere Administration reports that there is snow on the ground in 49 of 50 states. Only Florida (where we are typing at this moment, but don’t hate us–ever been to Tampa in July? Enough said!) is snow-free. Yep, that means there is snow in the mountains of Hawaii and in the deltas of Louisiana right at this very moment. Which got us to thinking: Mother Nature must truly be having some kind of ‘roid rage to be waging such a fierce winter. If she could pick out any Roadkill tshirt, what do you think she’d choose? Given her other-worldly display of strength and stamina, we have some ideas, and they include:
1. You can’t process me with a normal brain.
2. Trust me. As you get to know me I just get weirder.
3. People say I have a bad attitude, but I say fuck’em.
4. I’m sorry. Was it my job to fill your life with joy today?
5. I just awesomed all over the place.
Hey Mother Nature, we know you truly are a force beyond all control. But turn down the torque, will ya?
Americans love their bacon, and they’re proving it with their pocketbooks. Last year alone, we spent nearly $4 million–up about 10 percent over 2013–on the salty, smoky meat. And if we must say so, it was worth every penny. If you love bacon as much as we do, show it with a shirt. Here, 5 smokin’ bacon tees:
1. Bacon makes everything better.
2. Push button. Receive bacon.
3. Every day thousands of innocent plants are killed by vegetarians. Help end the violence. Eat bacon.
4. I support bacon.
5. Bacon is meat candy.
Let’s face facts: Life can be a downer. Kate Upton won’t give you the time of day, you owe money on your taxes and it simply will NOT stop snowing in two-thirds of the country. What’s a guy to do? Grab a Roadkill tshirt and put on a smile, that’s what. Yep, it’s that easy. Here, we present 10 of our funniest shirts, sure to brighten the bleakest of days.
1. National Apathy Society. Become a member…or don’t.
2. My those boobs look heavy. May I hold them for you?
3. Nothing says “I mean business” like using a cart at the liquor store.
4. I used to be f*cking stupid…but then we broke up.
5. Gambler’s Anonymous. I bet I can quit!
6. Baseball is wrong. Man with four balls cannot walk.
7. If I wanted to hear an asshole speak I would have farted.
8. I don’t like being told what to do unless I’m naked.
9. I’m good in bed. I can sleep all day.
10. Spooning may lead to forking.