If there is one thing that 24/7 news coverage of political affairs has taught, it’s that politics is another word for—Hey look at that Red herring! Red or Blue, Red or Blue, Whatever I pick is opposite of you! Speaking of socialist, why is Obama still in office? Hey did you hear Oba—er Osama is dead? Now gas prices will go down! Now that that’s over, will the TSA stop groping my grandma now? You know I really wish there was a product that would give my opinions without me having to open my mouth, therefore I will never get into an argument and thusly will always be right. Oh, what’s this roadkilltshirts.com? Hmm, looks interesting…
Ambidextrous Political Views
Intro: It is our intention as your T-Shirt company to do whatever it takes to earn your business. Are you opinionated when it comes to political affairs? Good! So are we. Do you balk at the two-party system and seek to make fun of it? We do too! As you can see we are on the same page, and as your T-Shirt company, we will give you results. Like us and we will like you back.
Quality:A T-Shirt company must have quality merchandise to offer the people. We have preshrunk 100%* cotton shirts that won't deform in the was and is easily ironed. Gildan Heavy duty is our standard, giving you a strong, heavy shirt that feels like it was made at a designer store. Professional screened images and text provided dazzling visuals that allows you to stylishly express yourself. Does this qualify as quality to you?
Selection:As your T-Shirt company we promise to ever expand our vast selection of shirts to fit your ever expanding social circle. It isn't enough for us to have an already awesome inventory, we need to have more, because you demand more. We already have thousands of shirts and we will produce thousands more.
Policy:In politics public policy is one of the biggest issues because the representative is basically telling you how they plan to go about things. Given this we take our exchange and refund policies very seriously because your satisfaction is in the balance.
Outro: In closing we would like to restate that our political shirts has opinions for your beliefs, farce for your humor, quality for your money, selection for your interest, and policies for your satisfaction. We hope we can count on you for your business. Thank you.