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I Bet Aliens Ride Past Earth And Lock Their Doors
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Here I Am, Now What Are Your Other 2 Wishes
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Zombies Eat Brains You're Safe
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Sometimes I Drink Water Just To Suprise My Liver
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I'm Trying To Give Up Sexual Innuendos, But It's Hard...So Hard
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Its All Shits And Giggles Until Someone Giggles And Shits
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Light Travel's Faster Than Sound
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Algebra Stop Asking Us To Find Your X She's Never Coming Back Don't Ask Y
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My Boss Said I Intimidate Coworkers
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SomeTimes I Look Back On My Life
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My Mind Is Like Internet Browser 19 Tabs 3 Frozen No Idea Where The Music Is From
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I Hate It When I Think Buying Organic Vegetables
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Some People Are Like Clouds Once They Disapper It's A Better Day
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While You We're Reading This, I Farted
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The Tree Isn't The Only Thing Getting Lit This Year
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Sarcasm Is An Art If It Was A Science I'd Have My PHD
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My Husband's Wife Is Freaking Awesome True Story
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"Be Yourself" Is About The WORST Advice You Can Give To Some People
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Logic: The Art Of Being Wrong With Confidence
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I'm Not Stubborn, My Way Is Just Better
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Home Is Where The WIFI Connects Automatically
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Never Mistake My Silence For Weakness No One Plans A Murder Out Loud
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I Wonder If Beer Thinks About Me Too..?
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So, If We Lie To The Government, It'S A Felony But If They Lie To Us, It'S Politics
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Don't Yell At Your Kids. Lean In And Whisper
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