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I Never Dreamed That One Day I'd Become A Grumpy Old Man But Here I Am Killing it!

I Never Dreamed That One Day I'd Become A Grumpy Old Man But Here I Am Killing it!

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Sawdust is Man Glitter

Sawdust is Man Glitter

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Top Dad

Top Dad

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This Is What An Amazing Dad Looks Like

This Is What An Amazing Dad Looks Like

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Best Dad In The Galaxy

Best Dad In The Galaxy

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Best Dad By Par.

Best Dad By Par.

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I'd Never knew, I'd be Super Hot Dad

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I'd Never knew, I'd be Super Hot Dad

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Best Freakin' Dad Ever

Best Freakin' Dad Ever

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I Like My Bed More Than Most People

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I Like My Bed More Than Most People

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What Chapter Of Revelations Are We Living In Now?

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What Chapter Of Revelations Are We Living In Now?

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Can You Not? New

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Can You Not? New

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Daddy Needs Beer

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Daddy Needs Beer

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I Like Long, Romantic Walks To The Fridge

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I Like Long, Romantic Walks To The Fridge

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World's Okayest Dad

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World's Okayest Dad

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Call Of Daddy, Fathering Ops

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Call Of Daddy, Fathering Ops

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Zombies Eat Brains You're Safe

Zombies Eat Brains You're Safe

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Your Team Sucks

Your Team Sucks

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You're Nuttier Than A Squirrel Turd

You're Nuttier Than A Squirrel Turd

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You Say I'm Crazy I Call It Mentally Unrestricted

You Say I'm Crazy I Call It Mentally Unrestricted

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You People Must Be Exhausted From Watching Me Do Everything

You People Must Be Exhausted From Watching Me Do Everything

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You Look Really Stupid With Your Head Like That

You Look Really Stupid With Your Head Like That

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You Know What I Like About People? Their Dogs.

You Know What I Like About People? Their Dogs.

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You Know The Little Thing Inside Your Head That Keeps Saying Things You Shouldn't

You Know The Little Thing Inside Your Head That Keeps Saying Things You Shouldn't

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You Inspire My Inner Serial Killer

You Inspire My Inner Serial Killer

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You Had Me At "We'll Make It Look Like An Accident"

You Had Me At "We'll Make It Look Like An Accident"

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You Ever Have One Of Those Days? Fuck: Off, You, Me, Us, It, Everything, This

You Ever Have One Of Those Days? Fuck: Off, You, Me, Us, It, Everything, This

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You Don't Do Stupid Things While Young You'll Have Nothing To Smile About When Old

You Don't Do Stupid Things While Young You'll Have Nothing To Smile About When Old

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You Couldn't Handle Me Even If I Came With Instructions

You Couldn't Handle Me Even If I Came With Instructions

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You Can't Scare Me I Have A Daughter

You Can't Scare Me I Have A Daughter

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World's Gayest Sister

World's Gayest Sister

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With A Shirt This Awesome, Who Needs Pants

With A Shirt This Awesome, Who Needs Pants

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Why Be Difficult With A Little Effort You Can Be Impossible

Why Be Difficult With A Little Effort You Can Be Impossible

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Whoever Said That Diamonds Are A Girls Best Friend Never Owned A Dog

Whoever Said That Diamonds Are A Girls Best Friend Never Owned A Dog

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When Nothing Is Going Right Go Fishing

When Nothing Is Going Right Go Fishing

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When I Was A Kid This Is Not What I Expected

When I Was A Kid This Is Not What I Expected

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When I Was A Kid No Wait I Still Do That

When I Was A Kid No Wait I Still Do That

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When I Grow Up I'd Like To Be A Retired Lottery Winner

When I Grow Up I'd Like To Be A Retired Lottery Winner

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When I Fart You Will Be The Second To Know

When I Fart You Will Be The Second To Know

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When does Old Enough To Know Better

When does Old Enough To Know Better

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When Did I Get So Old

When Did I Get So Old

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This Is My Step Ladder

This Is My Step Ladder

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Due To Personal Reasons I'll Be Drinking Again This Weekend

Due To Personal Reasons I'll Be Drinking Again This Weekend

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Living the dream one nightmare at a time

Living the dream one nightmare at a time

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There's No Such Thing As Goverment Funded

There's No Such Thing As Goverment Funded

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I Wonder What My Dog Named ME

I Wonder What My Dog Named ME

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SomeTimes I Look Back On My Life

SomeTimes I Look Back On My Life

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My Boss Said I Intimidate Coworkers

My Boss Said I Intimidate Coworkers

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This Generation Is So Angry

This Generation Is So Angry

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I Run a Tight Shipwreck

I Run a Tight Shipwreck

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Logic: The Art Of Being Wrong With Confidence

Logic: The Art Of Being Wrong With Confidence

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Equal Rights For Other Does Not Mean

Equal Rights For Other Does Not Mean

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Sarcasm Its How I Hug

Sarcasm Its How I Hug

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Revenge Is Beneath Me

Revenge Is Beneath Me

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RETIRED don't care don't ask

RETIRED don't care don't ask

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Dad Joke Survivor

Dad Joke Survivor

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Again ?

Again ?

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I exist to annoy you

I exist to annoy you

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Life Is LIke A Dick

Life Is LIke A Dick

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WANT HOME

WANT HOME

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Yes, I saw The Speed Limit Officer

Yes, I saw The Speed Limit Officer

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I Like to Smile At People

I Like to Smile At People

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I Don't Insult People

I Don't Insult People

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This Morning Coffee

This Morning Coffee

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I hate golf nice shot I love golf

I hate golf nice shot I love golf

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Department of Corrections

Department of Corrections

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When This Virus Is Over I Still Want Some People To Stay Away From Me

When This Virus Is Over I Still Want Some People To Stay Away From Me

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Just Pretend I'm Not Here That's What I'm Doing

Just Pretend I'm Not Here That's What I'm Doing

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I See No Go Reason To Act My Age

I See No Go Reason To Act My Age

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I Gotta See The Candy First. Then I Get In The Van. I'm Not Stupid

I Gotta See The Candy First. Then I Get In The Van. I'm Not Stupid

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I Am Currently Unsupervised I know, It Freaks Me Out Too But The Possibilities

I Am Currently Unsupervised I know, It Freaks Me Out Too But The Possibilities

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I Hate It When The Voices Go Silent

I Hate It When The Voices Go Silent

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I'm Going To Go Stand Outside, So If Anyone Asks, I'm Outstanding

I'm Going To Go Stand Outside, So If Anyone Asks, I'm Outstanding

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I'm not anti-social. I'm selectively social. There's a difference

I'm not anti-social. I'm selectively social. There's a difference

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I'm Mom's Favorite

I'm Mom's Favorite

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I Told My Wife To Embrace Her Mistakes She Hugged Me

I Told My Wife To Embrace Her Mistakes She Hugged Me

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Remember When I Asked For Your Opinion? Yeah...Me Neither

Remember When I Asked For Your Opinion? Yeah...Me Neither

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Common Sense Is So Rare These Days, It Should Be Classified As A Super Power

Common Sense Is So Rare These Days, It Should Be Classified As A Super Power

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I Got Your Back

I Got Your Back

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People Who Tolerate Me On A Daily Basis... They're The Real Heroes.

People Who Tolerate Me On A Daily Basis... They're The Real Heroes.

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Don't Grow Up It's A Trap

Don't Grow Up It's A Trap

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It's OK I'm on 500mgs. of Fukitol

It's OK I'm on 500mgs. of Fukitol

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Every Day, Thousands Of Innocent Plants Are Killed By Vegetarians

Every Day, Thousands Of Innocent Plants Are Killed By Vegetarians

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This Is Not A Drill

This Is Not A Drill

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I'd Love To Explain It To You But I Don't Have Any Crayons

I'd Love To Explain It To You But I Don't Have Any Crayons

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The Fact That There's A Highway To Hell and Only A Stairway To Heaven Says A Lot

The Fact That There's A Highway To Hell and Only A Stairway To Heaven Says A Lot

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If You Say Gullible Slowly, It Sounds Like Oranges

If You Say Gullible Slowly, It Sounds Like Oranges

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If I'm Ever On Life Support Unplug Me Then Plug Me Back In See If That Works

If I'm Ever On Life Support Unplug Me Then Plug Me Back In See If That Works

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If You Don't Want A Sarcastic Answer, Don't Ask A Stupid Question

If You Don't Want A Sarcastic Answer, Don't Ask A Stupid Question

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I May Be Old, But I Got To See All The Cool Bands

I May Be Old, But I Got To See All The Cool Bands

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Have You Ever Listened To Someone For A While And Wondered

Have You Ever Listened To Someone For A While And Wondered

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