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Technically The Glass Is Completely Full
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Drinking Rum Before Noon Makes You A Pirate, Not An Alcoholic
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Buy a Blank-T-Shirt
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I'm Sorry If I Offended You WIth My Common Sense
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I Found The "I" In Team
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Sometimes I Wake Up Grumpy Sometime I Let Her Sleep
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I Did Not Mean To Offend You, That Was Just A Bonus
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If You Love Someone Let Them Sleep
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I'm Old but I'm Like Cool Old
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I'm Not Lazy, I Just Enjoy Doing Nothing
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Ah! The Element Of Surprise
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No You're right, Lets Do It The Dumbest Way Possible Because It's Easier For You
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I'm A Broccoli And I Look Like A Tree, I'm A Walnut And I Look Like A Brain
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Fart When People Hug You It Makes Them Feel Strong
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Bigfoot - Hide And Seek Champion
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It's Really Weird Being The Same Age As Old People
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I Have CDO. It's Like OCD, But All The Letters Are In Alphabetical Order
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I Found This Humerus
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I Would Lose Weight But I Hate Losing
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Calm Down Karen I'm Not The Manager
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Trying To Understand, Is Like Trying To Smell the Color 9
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Don't Be A Richard
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When I Was A Kid No Wait I Still Do That
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A Day Without Fishing Probably Won't Kill Me, But Why Take The Chance?
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Sorry I Called You Stupid I Thought You Already Knew
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Shit Creek Survivor
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Silence Is Golden Duct Tape Is Silver.
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If Guns Kill People I Guess Pencils Misspell Words, Cars Drive Drunk & Spoons
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Alcohol - Because No Good Story Ever Started With A Salad
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This Is My Step Ladder
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Yes, I Can Drive A Stick
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To Anyone I Have Not Offended
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If You Find Me Annoying I Suggest You Stop Finding Me
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A Government Big Enough To Give You Everything You Want Is Big Enough To Take Away
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Day(s) Sober
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Always Give Hundred Percent Unless You're Donating Blood
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Don't Confuse My Personality With My Attitude
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Are You Drunk
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Underestimate Me That'll Be Fun
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Someone Has To Set A Bad Example
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It Was Me I Let The Dogs Out
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I Used To Be A People Person
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I'm Actually Not Funny, I'm Just Really Mean And People Think I'm Joking
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I Direct Midget Porn
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Trust Me, You Can Dance. - Alcohol
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3 Kinds Of People. Good At Math, And Those Who Aren't
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Living the dream one nightmare at a time
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There's No Such Thing As Goverment Funded
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It's Ok If You Disagree With Me. I Can't Force You To Be Right
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